A heartbreaking response to this blog

23 Feb

Note from Heather:  A brave person responded to our blog with the message below.  I can’t begin to tell you how familiar her message is to me.  I have heard it time and time again – from so many, many desperate people who have been struggling with obesity for years and years.  Indeed, it’s my own voice too.  My heart breaks for those who struggle with eating disorders… for those who are regularly discriminated against (because of their size).  To the friend who wrote this letter, I say:  You might not realise or accept it – but you are beautiful, worthy, valuable and deserving of respect and love – exactly as you are right now!

Hi Heather,

I know I should be replying to your blog as to how your journey of the past weeks has affected me as a “fattie”, but I’m afraid I’m just not as brave as you have been. I would say that I take my hat off to you, but I probably ate that too.

I read a little about how you were feeling just before going in for your procedure. This is a subject so close to my heart as I am pretty much where you were in Dec, give or take a pound or two. I live each day battling to get up and face the world with the strength and courage that I should naturally have.

I work with people daily, who I know (sad but true), judge me the moment my hand extends to shake theirs, the moment I get out of my car or the moment they open their front door.  I have a husband and two stunning girls that I feel like I am letting down and embarrassing every day. I have resigned myself to the fact that my weight is one fight I just cannot fight any longer. and am now lying down to play dead, getting up only when I have to do whatever the day puts before me. Active I am, devoted to my family and business, most certainly I am. Dead inside from hurt, embarrassment and low self-esteem, well that I most certainly AM!

I have no self-esteem left, have no will left to fight this, feel quite happy to work for myself locked up in my study without a corporate office having to witness me having a slice of toast or chatting every time the “fat” chick walks to the kitchen (even if it’s only for a glass of water)……. I haven’t really had anyone say anything to my face about my weight, in fact they don’t even have to say a thing, it’s written all over their faces.   I even planned an eye op smack bang in the middle of the week of my hubbies 20 year reunion, just so I could avoid it.  Yes Heather, you heard right, I actually did that, and at the last minute postponed the op due to guilt.  But alas, we never went as I had stuffed up plans and it was all too much to organize accomodation at the last minute……….. so Heath, when I read your blog, I cry so much.  So much happiness for you, so much hurt for me.

I haven’t stopped crying today since I read it.  I know this sounds like an agony aunt column, but I honestly am so desperate to get this op done that I will go to any lengths.  Desperate is what I was years ago, broken is where I am now. I have not been able to afford this, and so I have made an appointment to go see a surgeon to check what the cost is on this procedure, please could I ask you if you would kindly send me the details of your doc and if possible cost as well.

I can’t tell you how happy I am for you, you deserve this so much Heather, and if I had the energy, I would stand and be your pom-pom girl,  but right now I’m sitting….. (ha ha, we all know about the fat jokes)………….

PS:  Sorry if this letter doesn’t make sense, I have just typed and typed whatever I have felt… just cant stop crying right now……….

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2 Responses to “A heartbreaking response to this blog”

  1. Indiana February 23, 2011 at 4:17 pm #

    Wow! That was heart wrenching and I deffinately feel her pain. When you already have poor self-image it is easy to imagine others having problems with your size as well. I think she will find that she probably has more support in that office than she thinks. She should deffinately check out her options. What type of insurance does she have or her husban have? Most weight loss surgery programs have suport groups for those who have had or are considering surgery. She should deffinately attend them. The women in these groups are very supportive and have a lot of valuable information about cost options. Also if you have to self-pay most doctors have affordable options.

  2. blog admin February 23, 2011 at 8:17 pm #

    Reading that.. makes me angry.. and then very very sad. There are too many wonderful people suffering right now, and feeling powerless. I don’t have a magic wand, so all I can offer right now is support and empathy.

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