Tag Archives: awful diets

An ode to diets

29 Nov

(Heather’s Perspective)

I thought that during my countdown to my surgery date (on the 6th December)… (just a mere week away)… that I would celebrate my exit from the World-of-Diets by documenting just a few of my awful dieting experiences on this blog.  I’m pretty sure that Soo will have much to contribute towards this topic too, since she has also embarked upon dodgy diets too numerous to mention, in order to stay thin!

I have been on, literally, hundreds of different diets during the 30 years that I have struggled with my eating disorder… but I will mention only the most… uh… colourful… in the next couple of blogs.

First… let’s start with that staple dieting classic:  The Milkshake Diet.

Soo documented her take here.

Where can I obtain these Diet Milkshakes?

There are a number of variants of Milkshake Diet.  You get ready-made shakes in a can (like Slim-Fast)…  or you can buy powdered versions (like Shape)…all readily available on the shelves of your local supermarket or pharmacy. However, you may want to sample the pyramid scheme versions (from bright, eager salespeople in your suburb) – like the Herbalife shake.

How will I spot a Milkshake Diet?

Milkshake diets are all marketed in the same way… with images of creamy shakes (almost always in chocolate and strawberry flavour – but sometimes, if you’re lucky, you get banana too!).  These creamy-looking shakes are always displayed in large parfait glasses, usually embellished with a display of fresh strawberries propped neatly next to the glass (or blocks of chocolate, or slices of fresh banana – depending on your flavour choice).  A candy-striped straw is usually propped up in the glass too (upright, so the ‘thickness’ of the milkshake seems appealing).

The manufacturers of said diet-milkshakes always promise that the shakes are “delicious”… and “creamy”… and that they are filling and satisfying… and wholesome… and healthy… and that the milkshake diet is easy-to-follow.

What are the Rules of Milkshake Dieting?

Oh, easy-peasy!  (apparently).  You simply swap 2 meals per day for the shake… and you eat a 3rd, moderated diet meal (usually skinless chicken breast with a few lettuce leaves and a cocktail tomato).  Weight is thus bound to come off quick-quick!

What are Heather’s experiences of the milkshake diet?

Well firstly…  FACT # 1: The milkshake diets NEVER-EVER-EVER taste “creamy and delicious” (like REAL milkshakes taste!).  The best way to describe them?  Vile, grainy, watery concoctions!

This is the type of image you'll see on milkshake diet advertising and packaging!

This, however, is more of an accurate depiction.

The worst would probably be the Herbalife version.  You don’t mix it with milk, you mix it with water – and the powder doesn’t dissolve.  I remember retching every time I drank it.  It also had a very off-putting smell:  the smell of your burp after you’ve taken a multi-vitamin on an empty stomach.

FACT # 2: You are never “full” or “satisfied” on a milkshake diet.  Ever.  Soo will testify to this.  You are continually starving.  From day 1.  You continually feel hungry… deprived… depressed.

FACT # 3: The longest I’ve managed to stick to a milkshake diet (due to the above factors) is probably 6 days.  A milkshake diet might work for thin people (like Soo) to shift 1 – 3 stubborn kilograms in a short period of time.  But I don’t see any evidence… anywhere… of ANY obese person… who has managed to stay on a milkshake diet indefinitely!!!  I also haven’t seen any evidence… anywhere… of seriously overweight people who have lost weight on a milkshake diet – and who have kept that weight off long-term!

Verdict of Milkshake Diet? Fail!

It is with enormous relief and pleasure that I can state today:  I shall NEVER embark upon another Milkshake Diet… EVER in my life… or sniff again the contents of another tin of Herbalife!